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We’re Really Not Controlling Anything

August 18, 2015 By Ahmed Hassan 2 Comments

I’m lying in bed this morning listening to the birds give thanks for the day. Another Tuesday, another blog post. Today’s thought is all about control. The mirage of control. The idea that we humans are in control, is what still amuses me.

ahmed_were-not-really-in-control

Sharing is caring, right?

I must’ve been 19 years old when I started going to codependents anonymous meetings. My dad recommended I check out a meeting close to where I lived in North Oakland. I continued to attend and listen to others. I learned how to love, live and not be totally enmeshed with others. Codependency is something that so many of us suffer from. It’s a characteristic, 2 steps on the other side of compassion. We people that tend to over love, over do, over give and over expect from others, can truly benefit from attending Codependents Anonymous meetings. Check and see if there’s one in your area, and sit in on a meeting if you like.

If you don’t know by now, I’ve attended counseling sessions, twelve step meetings and read countless books on self help for at least the last 20 plus years. What can I say, I come from a long line of pretty dysfunctional folks, and am of the opinion most of us do. I think that each one of us must take responsibility for our own lives. I believe that by age 16 years old, we’re pretty much adults. We want to do as we wish and want to be treated as an adult, so it’s really on us to live our lives in such a way that we might be able to do just that (live and be treated like an adult).

My oldest son Julian is 16 years old. He’ll be 17 in March of next year. I talked with him the other day about letting me and his mother know where he’s at. He often gets permission to go hang out with a friend, then at some point, the evening’s plan changes; he and his buddies are elsewhere, and his mother and I are clueless as to where our child is. This creates a feeling of not having control.

Teenage kids will help you to understand just how much you don’t control, can’t control and really don’t need to control. I see my job as a parent is to teach and educate. It’s my job to be responsible for doing both of those things. I’m a person that is responsible for so much and so many. I’m a father of 3 kids, and although Tiffanie and I are separated, we still live together and I’ll always have some responsibility to and for her. I hire and manage several employees and contractors and within my immediate and extended family, I’m a burgeoning elder, uncle, cousin and son to my mother(s).

ahmed-julian-were-not-really-in-control

My job is not to control this young man. My job is to educate and encourage him.

I’ve been a control freak most of my life, meaning I’ve tried and continue striving to know what I’m doing, and figure things out on my own. I’m an opinionated Virgo and a complex thinker, just talk to any of the producers I’ve ever worked with and they’ll tell you, “Ahmed’s difficult to work with.”

I spoke to one of the producers from my early days of DIY Networks “The Dirt On…” and “Yard Crashers”. She admitted that she was as good a producer as she was because she’d worked with me. I was the most difficult talent, but the most dynamic she’d worked with. I fought with my producers, not to be combative, but to be myself. I wanted to play my own character and to produce the story I understood in my own head.

ahmed-producers-were-not-really-in-control

Pop Quiz: Who is in control here?

It apparently worked, considering “Yard Crashers” spun off into “House Crashers”, “Bath Crashers”, “Kitchen Crashers” and “Room Crashers”. I also shot a few seasons of a spin off titled “Turf War” and got DIY Network to green light a full 1 hour show. I mean who does that! Yup, I did (pat on the back). This control freak, difficult to work with, confident-as-I-wanna-be-maniac, that’s hell bent on integrity, is the same guy that lives to teach and inspire folks while doing our best to encourage and show others how to believe in themselves and their abilities. I don’t have any desire to “control” people and situations. I merely want the best for those around me and am committed to doing all that I can to this end.

My mind puts things together in such a way, but I remain flexible enough to allow things to shift. The lesson learned is to stay flexible and fluid. Here is a great resource on doing just that. I plan, strategize and get up early in order to prepare for my days, then allow the day to organically happen, and call folks when I’m running behind or things need to change. I communicate as clearly and concisely as I can, and am careful with my assumptions since they all stem from my own head and aren’t necessarily reality. Just because I see it the way that I do doesn’t mean that this is real for any one else. Hey they’re not me!

Lastly, what I’ll say about being a control freak is that none of us are really “In control”. We’d like to think that we are, and we can sometimes get others to believe this, but in reality we’re all living reactive lives. Hopefully doing are best to respond to what is. We don’t control the weather, we don’t decide who our parents or children are. We don’t get to determine our neighbors, or whether or not our bosses, or clients, love us.

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One of my idols is Sir Richard Branson. Following his intuition is what I respect most about him.

All we can do is our best. Each day, each moment and the next. The only thing we really have control over is our response to what comes, and this in itself is an awesome opportunity.

Love and Light!

Want more updates? Follow Celebrity Landscaper Ahmed Hassan on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram! #GoGreenWithAhmed #TeamAhmedTV #NoControl

Filed Under: Philosophical Rants & Analogies Tagged With: Ahmed Hassan, Ahmed Hassan on Television, Ahmed Hassan TV, Celebrity Landscaper, family, Home, inspiration, Landscaping, life, personal growth

Searching for Inspiration

June 30, 2015 By Ahmed Hassan 1 Comment

ahmed_hassan_inspiration_sun

The California sun can be brutal, but I am thankful nonetheless

Temperatures are suppose to hit 109 today here in Northern California. Finding the inspiration to work outside in this heat is…Well… Yesterday I fasted for most of the day. I’m no Muslim, but I do know that we’re in the middle of Ramadan and I figured I’d participate and fast for the health benefits and mental clarity. Then, by the time I did finally eat something, I had to take a nap, and the heat was simply unbearable.

Today’s post is still swinging back and forth within my head. “Do I write something that’s more personable or do I write something that’s gardening or landscaping related…” What to do, what to do! I think I’m more inspired to write about inspiration. Since I’m looking for a bit of it this morning. I, like you, have so very many things going on in my life. The stresses of everyday living here on planet earth, the responsibilities both financially and physically of raising and providing for my family, as well as running a small business, and seeking to maintain any kind of celebrity status with my career. All of life is an opportunity to learn and experience more or less of what we want. That’s going to determine how we feel.

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Camille’s cure for boredom involves helping dad. She loves it!

The other day my youngest daughter Camille was pouting and walking around the backyard complaining about how bored she was. “There’s nothing to do!” She wanted this and wanted that and life was just so horrible in this instance as far as she was concerned. I immediately thought of what my dad taught me when I was maybe 14 or so. He taught me to give thanks and spend some time in appreciation for what I had. He would invite me to write a list of what I was thankful for, from the very big things in life, to the essential items that we often take for granted, like having toothpaste, toilet paper and running water. I suppose this is also one of the primary purposes of Ramadan in the first place. It’s a time to reflect, have compassion and to relate to those that do not have.

So today I invite you to analyze your life, rather than mentally delve into all that you owe the IRS, or what’s so wrong in your relationship. Spend a little time in thanksgiving. Create your own list, mentally or physically. Begin to look around and notice just how abundant you are. There are people all over this planet that don’t have the gifts, opportunities or the physical/mental capabilities that you do. It’s a true fact that whatever we think about is what’s both monumental and having an impact on us in the present.

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Time to suit up for the day

So notice what’s good in life! Acknowledge how much you do have. Truly give thanks for this wonderful life that’s likely going to get better because of the lessons you’re learning and applying right now. Little by little things will start to get better. None of us are 10 years old like my sweet Camille. We all know that there’s so much to do, and so much to be thankful for. Your life is what you make of it!

So continue to dream up whatever it is that you want. Always, always, always remember that there are likely thousands of individuals at any given moment, that not only have far less than you, but would kill to have just a few of life’s luxuries that both you and I often take for granted. Thanks for sharing and reading my morning’s inspiration lecture to myself. Now it’s time for me to plan and get ready for the sweltering day today and give thanks for my ice chest, my sun screen, my white long sleeve shirt and large brimmed sun hat. I also give thanks for having work that I love and I get to finally finish Chelle Henderson’s backyard so that next weeks blog post will consummate the whole process. For those who don’t know. Here’s some history on this work… and a little more.

Follow Celebrity Landscaper Ahmed Hassan on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram! #GoGreenWithAhmed #TeamAhmed #TiredButInspired

Filed Under: Landscape Construction & Property Improvements, Philosophical Rants & Analogies Tagged With: Ahmed Hassan, Ahmed Hassan Personal Appearance, Ahmed Hassan TV, Celebrity Landscaper, family, Gardening, Home, inspiration, Landscape, Landscaping, life, personal growth, Yard

I Miss Him So

December 14, 2014 By Ahmed Hassan 49 Comments

Those that know me, and have ever heard me even mention MY father, know that I loved Muneer Hassan Sr. more than any other person on the planet. Today, Dec 14th is the anniversary of his death.

In 1994, when I was just 20 years old, my dad committed suicide.

It was labeled an accidental death, but nonetheless I experienced my real life SUPERMAN lying there lifeless on the floor of his San Francisco home. I had never seen my dad, lifeless. Yet there he WAS quiet, still, and completely done with life. Besides the shock, my 20 year old conscience spoke to me. It was humbled and it said,

“When you die, you do nothing.”

Of course we’ve all got our beliefs and our wishes around death and some of us even have our fears around death.

My dad wasn’t afraid.

As a matter of fact, people that commit suicide aren’t afraid of death; they are afraid of life. Life is extremely challenging at times. Living and creating expectations or trying to live up to others expectations is truly a struggle at times. Unless we learn how to really get to know, love, and respect ourselves; and I do mean on a selfish level, sometimes it’s all about you. If we cannot do that, we will always have a hard time finding true peace and serenity.

OF COURSE I miss my father.

Of course I wanted him to see me get married.

He did, after all, know Tiffanie and he always told me, that if they were friends of mine, they were friends of his. MY DAD was a genius. He understood people and knew how to make them feel special. He was as charming as I am, and a studied man that could speak and teach with such confidence and conviction that even if he was bullshitting you, you’d be buying every wooden nickel he was selling… then he’d smile!

Ahmeds Dad - Muneer Hassan Sr.

My Brilliant Father

My dad was a ladies man and a bigger flirt than myself. I remember he’d get on me for calling him ‘dad’ in the grocery store and be like, “Hey man, call me bro or something, but don’t be calling me dad!” He was kidding of course, but I so loved him for his sense of humor. My dad also taught me so many of life’s secrets and mysteries both with his life and in his death. He taught me that the element of surprise is an awesome game changer, with both your enemies and those you love.

What my dad had the hardest time with was the intimate relationships he had with women, and of course, himself.

He had his first child with Linda, another three with my mom Paula, who raised my half-brother Shakir for a time as well. Then he married Mabel, my step mom, AND raised her daughters Crystal, Evangela and their love child, Malikah. He finally hooked up with Barbara Maguirre and had Melissa; she is my youngest sister that I currently have no relationship with. It saddens me, and it made him sad as well, to have these relationships with women, then go through a shift in emotions and come to a point in the relationship where he had no tools and/or understanding as how to make things work.

My dad was a Leo, he knew very much how to fight or flee. He did both! While I now understand his limitations and short comings as a man, I STILL CELEBRATE HIM because while he’s no Superman, like I thought he was, he was a loving and caring father to all of his kids. A simple man raised in a dysfunctional family just like the rest of us. He did his best and when he couldn’t bear the pain anymore, he checked out.

He shot up a speedball after six years of sobriety and working in recovery. He said fuck it!

Yes, I use foul language like my dad did. I was raised by him primarily and he allowed me to curse as a kid. He also taught me to be appropriate with my energy and actions. I know better than to go into a synagogue, or house of prayer, and be Mr. Potty Mouth. Yet, I’m a grown and responsible man who sometimes chooses to use these colorful adjectives to express my grittiness, and give a bit of flavor to my words.

This morning’s post is really about me celebrating the life of my father.

 

The man that inspired me to operate tractors,…

Celebrity Landscaper Ahmed Hassan - Tractors

My love for these awesome machines came from my father.

…and got me into landscaping in the first place.

Ahmed Hassan DIY Network

My DIY Network days!

 

My dad was a comedian and often acted crazy. He was Bipolar, no wonder! None of these qualities could fully label and explain who he truly was as a person though. The only way to express that, in my opinion, would be to say that he was beautifully complex.

Just like the way that life is.

Life isn’t static. It’s forever changing.

Ahmed Hassan - Clouds Rolling In

Clouds roll into our lives from time to time

The clouds often roll in and bring a gloomy darkness in order to create balance.  Yes, I’m speaking philosophically. I’m a self-proclaimed philosopher, I thought you knew. Philosophy is nothing more than a way of seeing or living life. It gives reason or meaning to life. I live the way I do and I am the way I am because I subscribe to the belief that we’re all evolving. We’re developing and growing, hopefully learning and improving so that we can improve our future lives, definitely our kids, and even those that come after us.

I’ve always thought that the most significant way that I can pay homage to my father is to continue to evolve and take all of the tools and characteristics I learned from him and go a bit further. I want to stretch into the unknown and not allow the demons that ultimately took him out to do the same work on me through my mind.

Again I think back to that December 14th, 1994.

I remember my consciousness acknowledging that when you’re dead you do nothing. I also recall that my next thought was “Well if I’m alive and being alive is the opposite of being dead, apparently I’m supposed to be doing everything!” I have been doing everything ever since.

Ahmed and Tiffanie Hassan

I plan on leaving a proud legacy for my beautiful bride and our wonderful family

I am Ahmed, son of Muneer, the luminous and brilliant one.

I have an obligation to my father and his father and my ancestors that have passed.

I have an obligation to the planet and those people that know me.

An obligation to learn, to teach, to love and then perish.

I consciously choose to harness all of my pain, my internal struggles, and my passion to create the life of my dreams. No matter what, I will stay focused on this as the goal. I may, or may not, be understood. I may, or may not, be accepted; but no matter what I’ll remember to always love myself. I’ll stand in the space to remind others to always love themselves.

I love and miss you Dad and I thank the Universe for allowing me the privilege of coming and learning from you.

ASII (And So It Is)

 

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Filed Under: Philosophical Rants & Analogies Tagged With: Ahmed Hassan, Ahmed Hassan on Television, Ahmed Hassan Personal Appearance, Ahmed Hassan TV, celebrate life, Celebrity Landscaper, family, Landscaping, life, superman

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